The Most Important Love
by rinappe
Summary: Why love yourself when you can love you from another timeline? (Yuuichi x CS!Yuuichi for emypony)


_'You cannot love someone else until you love yourself.'_

It was so evident to Tsurugi Yuuichi. Bedridden for half his life, he had a lot of time to think about things. What was life to him, what was his life for, what was his life for others. The answer he came up with? To love others with all of one's heart, starting with themselves. That was what he believed in.

Soccer was Tsurugi Yuuichi's entire life. He started it for fun, and continued it for himself. He shared it with his little brother, his friends; the happiness he felt while playing the sport was from love. This was his self care.

 _Bullshit._

Was what he believed in really true? Was there anything to truly love about oneself? Would it make him selfish? Would it make him narcissistic? Would he become a jerk?

Then it started when the idea of being sent overseas for the sport started. It was him or his beloved brother. His love for himself or his love for others.

 _I have never loved myself._

It was because of him that he was now bedridden, possibly for life. That the chances of sending both of them to study professional soccer became zero. That Tsurugi Kyousuke now played the wrong soccer. All because he was so selfish to want to see his brother safe. He decided it was fine, continuing to love his brother and wish for the best school life he could have.

"School's fun," Tsurugi Kyouke had said.

He believed those words, telling him that was good. Then he saw his soccer. He grew furious, not with his brother but with himself. He had to get better, go through all pain to see to it that Kyousuke would be able to express his love for soccer to the fullest.

He never regretted taking the choice of going overseas. That was one thing he hated about himself. That he chose himself over his own brother.

"Nii-San can go, I've grown bored of soccer anyway," Tsurugi Kyousuke had said.

It had been so long since that moment. He forgot what he felt, happiness that he got to go, or guilt that Kyousuke was hiding his true feelings. In the end he decided it was for his beloved brother's sake, that he would bring back the love for soccer to him.

Yet, why could neither of them find the love for themselves?

 _But you, oh god,_

That's when they met each other. Through a series of mysterious events, both Tsurugi Yuuchis met.

"Who are you? Why do you look so similar to me?" asked the spiky haired Yuuichi. He felt extremely unsettled, to see a doppelgänger of him.

"My name is Tsurugi Yuuichi and I'd like to ask the same of you," replied the calmer of the two. Seeing an exact copy of oneself felt uncomfortable, but there was no point in getting worked up.

"You must be mistaken, I am Tsurugi Yuuichi,"

"Liar,"

Mistrust grew between them, claiming his identity as his own. Distinguishing the two took some time; one had wilder hair and was tanner than the other, the other was calm and collected. They both, however, were stubborn, confident that the other was a fake. They did agree that it would be hard for others to differentiate them, and thus the wild one was named Yuui, the calm one named Chi.

They conversed together, with nothing else to do. Without any idea how they got into this situation, they also had no idea how to get out of it.

"Considering that we are actually each other, but in different universes, so you have Kyousuke too?" Yuui asked.

"Yes, I do. He happily plays soccer everyday. I just wish I could play alongside him," Chi replied whimsically.

This comment gave Yuui both relief and envy. So there is a Kyousuke who expresses his love for soccer. If only it was his Kyousuke, perhaps he wouldn't hate himself as much now.

"Unfortunately," Chi's voice reduced to a murmur, immediately catching the other's attention. "I found out he's been playing the wrong kind of soccer, the twisted one."

"These legs of mine are failing me but I swear, I'll recuperate soon enough. I must, Kyousuke and my—" he paused. "Our family must have been waiting."

Yuui somehow knew what he was talking about. A memory had flashed as Chi talked. One which showed the path that he had chosen his brother over himself instead of the opposite. One that he wished he had taken. Newfound respect and admiration for Chi grew, as warm feelings spread throughout his body.

"What about your Kyousuke? Does he have fun?"

"He doesn't play anymore," a sad smile grew on his face. "He said that he wasn't interested anymore, when the topic of studying overseas was brought up."

"Only one of us could be sent. If we are the same person, you would understand why," he could only chuckle in melancholy. "If only I had said something first. Maybe somehow, Kyousuke would be able to play soccer to his full extent..." He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to Chi in surprise.

"It's really admirable you know, that resolve you have to return soccer to your Kyousuke," he smiled gently.

He really did admire that trait of Yuui, a bravery that never existed within himself. Would he regret less if he had attempted therapy earlier? If he hadn't been a coward?

"Chi... you're crying,"

The tears were hot and running, streaming in rivers. Chi tried his best to stop them from running, but they refused to. Unable to bear anymore, he just let it all out, all the frustrations and pain he held inside.

Yuui pulled him into his arms, enveloping him in warmth. He didn't know what to say to him, but the older brother in him came out.

Then his tears started dripping.

They dripped off his face, each a sign of the regret he felt.

"You're no different, Yuui," Chi chuckled through the tears.

"I-if, if I had done this for Kyousuke, would he have continued playing soccer? If I had been a better brother?" he choked on his words, and Chi's grip tightened around his waist, an attempt at comfort.

Ah, was this what they called love?

 _I loved you so much._

Even though they were the same person, they found qualities in the other that they couldn't find in themselves. Yuui's determination and resolve, Chi's tranquility and soothing aura.

Was there a universe where they both could exist together? One where they could share their problems with each other? One where they could love each other with all their heart?

Or would one disappear, leaving the other alone?

In their small world, where no one else existed but them, it terrified both of them. That was the harsh reality, that eventually, the timelines would merge as one and erase the unnecessary.

Their hearts ached at the very thought, they couldn't bear to think of the other's absence.

So they didn't.

A world where they could live together, where they could love each other as much as they wanted. They were going to make it happen with the little time they had left. Long cuddles, shared kisses, special intimate moments. They would make it all happen.

Until time would run out.

 _I forgot what hating myself felt like._

They never antagonized themselves over anything again. How could they when all their love went to the other?

"So what'll happen to us when the timelines merge?" Chi brought up. "When one of us disappears?"

"You mean," Yuui let out a sad chuckle. Chi turned to him in terror. "When I disappear."

Yuui's hand was fading, the tips transparent already and the rest slowly dissipating into golden light.

"N-No...!" The word barely came out as a whisper, his eyes wide in horror and his body paralyzed. "Why now?!"

Yuui could only give a saddened smile, he didn't want this either. Yet, he was calm about it. Perhaps he had accepted his fate of disappearing long ago.

"Y-Yuui, try willing it to stop! Try it!" Chi begged, tears already formed in his eyes. Despair was slowly taking over him, panic written all over his face.

"I tried already, but I'll have to accept that my timeline — that I am disappearing,"

"Why?! Why have you accepted it?! Refuse fate, refuse what's right, you can't disappear!" the usually calm Chi cried. "We promised, didn't we? That we'd spend as much time together, that we'd refuse to disappear?"

It was a while ago, maybe what felt like a month in their small world. Of course Yuui wouldn't forget that promise. He couldn't.

"Please, I can't lose you," Chi started sobbing. "I'll drag you to my timeline, we can work something. I still have to introduce you to my Kyousuke, see the friends he made, bring you to our favourite places—"

Yuui's warm arms had already wrapped themselves around Chi, so soothing, his tears stopped for a while.

"I don't want to leave you either," he choked out. "I want to stay, stay with you. I used to hate myself so much, and then I met you."

"We'll always be together, Chi. We're one and the same after all," Yuui looked at him with the most comforting smile as the tears slowly dried.

"I-I guess..." Chi stuttered and then took a deep breath to calm down. After he exhaled, he too smiled with hidden pain. "You'll always stay in my heart."

They slowly brought their lips together, gently caressing the other's. It would be their last, so they had to make it the most memorable.

Soft words were exchanged, Chi's hands entangled in fluffy navy hair, Yuui's arms wrapped around waist. They only felt warmth, and love.

"I love you, Chi,"

"I love you too, Yuui. So so much,"

That's when Tsurugi Yuuichi finally learnt to love himself, and there was no love more important that that.


End file.
